If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
