I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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