Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
