If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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