No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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