I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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