I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize