Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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