i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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