she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
