Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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