Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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