When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
