Having a random hookup so left but love u
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
