Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
