I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
