Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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