My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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