yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
