Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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