my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
