So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
