Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
