why didn't you poke me back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
