she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
