They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
