I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
