Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
