pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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