See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
