Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
