oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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