it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
