Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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