ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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