evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
