Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
smell my finger.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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