Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
