I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
