I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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