just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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