end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
