i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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