he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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