Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
