I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How does one acquire holy water?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
