oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
