Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
