when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
