I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
