At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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