i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
