my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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