So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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