isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
