Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
