Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
