i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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