she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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