I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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