I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
