It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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