Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
