so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
